Hotel Skeptic T-Shirts

Musings of a Marooned Mountain Man

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Biliard Enthusiast

How Patrick Moore chooses a hotel..."Hmmm four stars".

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

Cupid's Valentine

"Too much caution can take all the fun out of life." "Mind if I get a second opinion?"

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

'I've got SO much on my plate right now, Steve - Ask me again when I'm fifty.'

"It would never work out- we're from two totally different tiers of the upper middle class."

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

"To cross street, push button, wait for walk signal, wait, wait some more."

"My husband won't do Florida - too sunny. He's afraid of falling asleep on the beach and waking up 75-years-old."

We just assumed everyone knew they couldn't take it with them.

Senior Investment Analyst R.G. Thornhill glimpses the Universe in a grain of sand and is not impressed.

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

Rational explanations

'Why not just buy a tube?'

'We only have rooms with real teeth left!'

Boss: 'Speak up Smythe, I know you've got an opinion, I told you what it was in my email this morning!'

The first meeting.

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

"I thought you said you paid extra for a cabinet with a Seaview."

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"I just can't seem to get into the spirit of the thing."

"If I can't be honest with you, Cheryl, who can I pretend to be honest with?"

Frank and Ernest's tips for travelers. When traveling makes you congested ... call rheum service. Sniff.

Never choose a vacation spot by its posters.

Man reading a giant book.

'That 'Jonah' story sounded FISHY to me!'

"You should have been more specific when you booked a room with a sea view."

"Well, you call them fairy tales, I call them fake news."