Hotel Review Aficionado T-Shirts

"I'm not having my baby here, it's only got one star."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"Two vegans, please."

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

"The health of Mr. Putin is very good!"

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

"We're at the Grand Marina Hotel in Barcelona. Some sheepdog you turned out to be."

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

"Obviously, sir, it's a very discerning, vegetarian fly."

"Shoot, I forgot this place has early checkout."

Teacher removes 'School Paper' sign and replaces it with 'School Blog' sign.

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

"Hypochondriac's handbook. A little passion project I'm working on;, or, rather, I would be working on."

"Yoga has helped me appreciate the healing power of donuts."

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

'look at this hotel. They leave a ball of yarn on your pillow!'

'What a bargain!'

"Continental breakfast, daily telegraph and morning after pill"

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

'I really felt at home there. The food was awful!'

"Mind if I take a bath first, pet."

Sparrow Hilton

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.

'Did you drop this £20 note, Sir?' 'Ooh, YES!' 'That will be a £50 fine.'

'Room service? Please send up some fish oil.'

"I'm told the omelettes here have a broader purpose."

Room service.

"I'm so sorry, there is nothing I can do for him anymore...he must have been offline for at least 10 hours..."

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

Scene of Grime murder in greasy spoon cafe.

'I brought my mini bar with me.'