Hospital Myth Buster Gifts

Hospital Admissions: 'Intensive and/or expensive care?'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Yeah, I'm sorry to break it to you bud, that eating grass thing is a myth!'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

Being Serenading in Casualty

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

Big slipper.

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"We're a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

'Perhaps I was a bit too graphic in describing the surgical procedure.'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

"I'm in for observation."

'Get this, Dr. Melroy just asked my opinion.'

The nurses here are so slow. Could this blanket be any thinner? The buttons on the tv remote are too darn small. Although her health had improved, Mabel's condition remained critical.

"Mr. Wilson? I'm Dr. Bradshaw. Please come in."

"Well the good news is that everything was supposed to be bad for you is actually good, but the bad news is that everything that you thought was good for you is actually bad."