Health Myth Buster Gifts

'Yeah, they really, really work. Got any other stupid questions?'

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

"Stop reading this stupid paper."

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

Swine Flu Panic.

"I don’t care what you read on social media, I cannot prescribe chocolate mini eggs to help with your weight loss!"

"I thought you said carrots were Good for the eyes...?"

Notice: Results of New Studies - Most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you.

"We try to source all of our produce locally..."

"Well the good news is that everything was supposed to be bad for you is actually good, but the bad news is that everything that you thought was good for you is actually bad."

'Yeah, I'm sorry to break it to you bud, that eating grass thing is a myth!'

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

'How can anyone seriously believe that we sleep standing up and with our eyes open ,,,, Hello'

"My new day job is killing me."

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"I've heard that your medication can grow extra nipples, but I wouldn't worry about that if I were you..."

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

"Look, Phil, I can see your shadow!"

"We used to think sugar and spice were all things nice - until that was proved to be a lie put out by global food manufacturers."

'Try not to get into any more mischief '

"I'll have an extra large conspiracy burger with anti-semitism, plenty of racism, stupidity and a load of crap."

The real costs of alternative facts!!

More GM foods.

"Everything is fat-free. So why am I still fat?"

Hypochondriac at two computers. One reads 'Internet diagnosis', other says 'Second opinion'.

'Who said that horses aren't carnivores?'

Santa Claus doesn't exist because he got eaten up by zombie elves.

"Where on earth did you read that alcohol is good for you?"

"If this toy was made by Santa's elves at the North Pole, how come it says 'Made in China'."

"I've searched every book, also the Internet, so in desperation...I've come to you, doctor!"

Press reports suggest that caffeine could provide protection against a range of cancers.

Entrance Exam for the Mildred School of Medicine