Hospital Habitués Gifts

"We located your chart...It was filed under 'P' for pain in the butt!"

The cell phone soother for life.

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'I admire your floatibility.'

Jazz is Invented

Penguins flying to igloo birdhouse

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

Balloon drip.

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"I think we have run out of time..."

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Very funny!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'Not only do I have a black belt in karate, I also have a husband in the hospital to prove it!'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Popovitch, nobody laughed about you until you fell off the ladder and got trampled down by the elephants. I want you to do that every evening.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer