Horseback Jokester Gifts

"Yes, you show signs of depression, but there may be a simple explanation: does your cowboy listen to a lot of country music?"

"If you ask me, wearing these things only makes them nervous."

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Man in office on saddle: 'You heard right. I just got hired as a desk jockey.'

'Where's my horse?'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

Clandestine cows.

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

When Farmer Harry Met Farmer Sally.

Inappropriate horse whispering.

Cleaning the Horse

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'This is one of those 'shovel ready' jobs you hear about.'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'He thinks he's so hot but, personally, I'd rather be artificially inseminated.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'Tender and Juicy.'

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"

Oat Cuisine in Horse's Nosebag

And balance with practice.

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

"Now that we've got a new bull, is he the calve's stepfather?"

'The holes in this hay net are getting smaller! What are you trying to say buddy?!'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Hunting - No. III

"An olive or a twist?"