Horoscope Devotee Gifts

'I don't care what your stars say about your prospects - I'm not giving you the Head of Department job!'

"Are all Brits bisexual, or just the ones who publish their diaries?"

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

"I think I'll keep a diary..."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

The Blob's Blog.

"Dear Diary: Today I picked a peck of pickled peppers."

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

Dear Diary

"I haven't had smouldering, passionate sex for a while....could you put it in the diary for next week!"

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

"Dear Diary: So I texted Julie..."

Mystic Writes 2014 Diary

'I may charge a lot but you get much more through me. I'm a psychic large.'

'Look - forget I asked if you were free any evenings...'

'I'm a Pisces.'

Dear Diary...Resolutions

'According to my horoscope one of us is going on a long journey.'

Anais Nin.

'Dr. Hall's horoscope says not to tamper with another person's heart, so he's postponing your bypass surgery until next week.'

"If you want me to ask him that you'll have to wait until after the watershed."

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

"She wrote a diary, not a blog."

'Today's horoscope...Uranus is shining brightly and you'll have a chance encounter with a Leo...Huh!...what a load of mumbo jumbo'

"The sign of the sun has been a big influence on his local life, it's his local pub."

'Your horoscope says you're going to have a nasty accident today.'

'I don't deny that my client murdered a man, but his moon was in Taurus, folks, His moooooon was in Taurus!'

'My whole life to date catalogued - so when I pop my clogs, those who follow will know what they are chucking away <tsk>.'