Horoscope Believer Gifts

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

Today will start off with an interesting twist.

'I'm afraid our attempts to heighten his intelligence have failed Gimmons...He's over there reading his horrorscope.'

'My horoscope just warned me about you!'

"Wow! This is exactly what my horoscope predicted!"

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

Nostradamus.

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

"My real money comes from my TV news appearances predicting stock market rises and falls."

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

doom.com

"Who's there?"

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

'Hmphh, your horoscope says you're going to have a date, with a Taurus, and I'm a Gemini.'

GOP presidental candidates on science!: 'Billions for astrollogers! Zero for astronomers!' s

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

Horoscope - Look out for Large Windfall (Man crushed by giant apple).

'According to my horoscope one of us is going on a long journey.'

'Dr. Hall's horoscope says not to tamper with another person's heart, so he's postponing your bypass surgery until next week.'

". . . and in the corner to my right, weighing 217 pounds, fighting as a Capricorn with Capricorn rising and Mars conjunct Uranus in the fifth, out of Beaufort, South Carolinaaa. . ."

"For what it's worth, next week all your stars and planets will be in good aspect for you to launch an invasion of England."