Zodiac Believer Gifts

"These antidepressants should help with your natal Saturn-Pluto conjunction."

'If you are a Pisces, avoid driving today...

"I know it's a little old-fashioned, but I'm a Capricorn, and I thought it would be romantic if I carried you over the cusp of our First House."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"You're solemates!"

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

'No kidding! I'm a Leo too!'

Ill next Thursday

"As an astronomer, this discovery heralds a new golden age of academic fervor for mathematicians and astrophysicists across the globe. As a Sagittarius, I'm fucked."

"So, what is your star sign?"

Year of the Rat

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

"I'd be a lot more comfortable with a Pisces."

Eve makes a discovery with far reaching ramifications. Our star signs aren't compatible.

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

GOP presidental candidates on science!: 'Billions for astrollogers! Zero for astronomers!' s

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

The Cosmology of Timmy

'I'm a Pisces.'

'I don't believe in astrology. I think that's because I'm a Leo.'

"So tell me what's your sign?"

"29 degrees in Scorpio? What's that in Fahrenheit?"

'Ha ha! You've been afraid of someone else's future!'

"It's my New Year!"

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

'Why, yes, I am a Capricorn...how did you know?'

Horoscope: Sagittarius. You could visualize the results of some of your plans when the perfect partner comes to your aid.

'I'll be right with you. I'm reading my horoscope.'

"Libra (September 23-October 23): Busy, busy, busy."

"Can you wait just a minute while I check my latest horoscope?"