Horoscope Follower Gifts

Tomorrow.

'Dr. Hall's horoscope says not to tamper with another person's heart, so he's postponing your bypass surgery until next week.'

'I'm afraid we'll have to reschedule. Our corporate astrologer is against this meeting.'

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"First they came for the horoscope and the crossword and I did nothing. Then they came for the cartoonists and there was no-one left to satirise it."

"Tomorrow will be mainly sunny, but with some scattered showers..."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

"I've found that when money starts talking, you can't shut 'er up!"

Your climb up the company ladder starts now.

'My horoscope says I'm due for a surprise today.'

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'My horoscope said I would be taking a long trip today.'

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

Daisy Jazz Isobel Ridley

'According to my horoscope one of us is going on a long journey.'

'I'm a Pisces.'

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

'Your horoscope says you're going to have a nasty accident today.'

'I don't deny that my client murdered a man, but his moon was in Taurus, folks, His moooooon was in Taurus!'

"Can you wait just a minute while I check my latest horoscope?"

Joan was a true believer in Astrology. However, this was the first time she had come face to face with a real member of the Zodiac... a giant scorpio!

"Tia Carmen, if Gregorio asked you to marry him, go for it! I mean, you've done so much for us. Maybe it's time to do something for you!"

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"

'I think the new convertible is because they're going through a mid-life Pisces.'

'...and according to our star signs we're perfectly matched!'

Your Star.

Curl up in front of a roaring fire tonight.

Libra/scales