Horoscope Skeptic Gifts

Separating fact from fiction will be your main objective this morning.

'Today's horoscope...Uranus is shining brightly and you'll have a chance encounter with a Leo...Huh!...what a load of mumbo jumbo'

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

Ok, here's yours: 'A loner, yet affectionate. Watch for another feline encroaching on your territory. An economic hardship is looming, but you'll land on your feet as always.' See how bogus these are, Lily? This could apply to any of us...

Your stars say 'beware of the fourth quarter' but as you don't believe in them it doesn't matter.

'November looks a bit unlikely.'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

Nostradamus.

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

"My real money comes from my TV news appearances predicting stock market rises and falls."

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

"Who's there?"

'They did it again - not a word in the weather report about an ice age.'

doom.com

'So what's your sign?'

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

GOP presidental candidates on science!: 'Billions for astrollogers! Zero for astronomers!' s

'Hmphh, your horoscope says you're going to have a date, with a Taurus, and I'm a Gemini.'

Horoscope - Look out for Large Windfall (Man crushed by giant apple).

"For what it's worth, next week all your stars and planets will be in good aspect for you to launch an invasion of England."

". . . and in the corner to my right, weighing 217 pounds, fighting as a Capricorn with Capricorn rising and Mars conjunct Uranus in the fifth, out of Beaufort, South Carolinaaa. . ."

'According to my horoscope one of us is going on a long journey.'