Horoscope Devotee Pillows

'I don't care what your stars say about your prospects - I'm not giving you the Head of Department job!'

"Are all Brits bisexual, or just the ones who publish their diaries?"

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

"I think I'll keep a diary..."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

"Dear diary...Well at least I'm not having to watch the Oscars."

The Blob's Blog.

"Dear Diary: Today I picked a peck of pickled peppers."

Dear Diary

'Our ultrasound equipment is not working, so we've brought in famed psychic Jennifer Armstrong to give us a vision of the fetus.'

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

"I haven't had smouldering, passionate sex for a while....could you put it in the diary for next week!"

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

'I may charge a lot but you get much more through me. I'm a psychic large.'

"Dear Diary: So I texted Julie..."

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

First Annual Psychic Convention

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

Mystic Writes 2014 Diary

'Look - forget I asked if you were free any evenings...'

"If you want me to ask him that you'll have to wait until after the watershed."

'Dr. Hall's horoscope says not to tamper with another person's heart, so he's postponing your bypass surgery until next week.'

'I'm a Pisces.'

Anais Nin.

'According to my horoscope one of us is going on a long journey.'

Dear Diary...Resolutions

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

'Today's horoscope...Uranus is shining brightly and you'll have a chance encounter with a Leo...Huh!...what a load of mumbo jumbo'

"She wrote a diary, not a blog."

'I don't deny that my client murdered a man, but his moon was in Taurus, folks, His moooooon was in Taurus!'

"The sign of the sun has been a big influence on his local life, it's his local pub."

'Your horoscope says you're going to have a nasty accident today.'