Hoppy Homemaker Gifts

"We've got to get rid of them somehow. Offer them one of your home-made beers"

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

On Valentine's Day, sometimes you don't need cards, candy or flowers from the ones who love you.

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

"You love anything tacky, don't you?"

Beware of the Lawn

Modern Parents

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

"Your dinner's on the table and yours is under the table."

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

'Well, by golly! Martha's right, I did make those doors a touch too low.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'Dress it up any way you want, it's still just doing laundry.'

"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."

"O.K., so I shrank. But you must admit I am brighter."

'Someday I hope he grows up into a sports bottle...just like his father.'

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

Witches in kitchen, sign for man says 'Your dinner's in the coven'.

'He missed a 5-foot putt for eagle last year, so he had an exact replica of the green build into the yard.'

"How about supper in the tub tonight, Hon?"

"The first thing about living alone again is not to overdo the chintz."

Junk Mail Shredder.

'Stu and I joined the Adopt-A-Highway program.'

Disued Lighting - Heating - Cooking.

'Hope I'm not catching you with a bird in the bath, Harold?'

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

Rabbits on Pinterest

A dog locks a man out and sleeps in his bed.

"I decided to buy a tiny house."

A women is testing her House to see if it's Pregnant with a 'Home Pregnancy Test' kit

"Who called who never calls" "What's in the freezer? It's half a loaf of rye bread" "Fun quiz! When are you getting married? Page 12." "Top ten pieces of furniture to wrap in plastic"