Homestyle Innovator T-Shirts

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"Dad! Dad! It's freezing out here! I wish we had a fireplace to get all cozy and roast marshmallows!"

"Like my new haircut?"

Are You a Quarathlete? Nifty Exercises You Can Do In Lockdown

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

'She dressed herself this morning.'

Bird Bath.

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

Heloise's Helpful Hints for Homebound

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"Our smart home sure is sensitive. Every time I hammer a nail in the wall it screams."

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

"Anyone who laughs at my new haircut will be subjected to immediate termination."

Caveman applying wallpaper cave paintings

"It's expensive because it connects to the internet."

'He doesn't seem to like my haircut.'

"It's called a treadmill workstation, not a stationary rat race."

'Welcome home, dear. While you were away I redecorated...'

"The rules don't say anything about Airbnb-ing your property to help pay off the mortgage."

'Doreen's been all over me to paint the house...'

Husband washes the dishes

"With all this wearable tech, I wish they'd come up with a smart belt."

Man painting the ceiling with the help of an umbrella.

Mutant Mootunes - Pete Poodle Pants

"Here, I've developed a pedometer that keeps track of how many people walk all over you."

'...and all of our power suits come with a complimentary surge protector.'

"After the kids moved out I had the house redesigned to reflect the real me."

"There has got to be a way for Detroit to make a safe, affordable, fuel-efficient vehicle out of hemp."