Lifestyle Innovator T-Shirts

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

"Scuber?"

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

But is it organic?

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

Perfection

Macho Vegetarian

FREE-RANGE CIRCUIT TRAINING

"If he didn't live each day like it was his last, he would have lived another 40 years."

Odd Spas

GPs to be encouraged to offer advice on 'lifestyle' issues

"It's called a treadmill workstation, not a stationary rat race."

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

I can't believe I ate all that kale for nothing.

'Cut back on the women and song. You can still have the wine though.'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

"Your results show you have the body of a young man, unfortunately it's an very obese young man with chronic health problems."

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

"The rules don't say anything about Airbnb-ing your property to help pay off the mortgage."

"Obesity is neither contagious or genetic, and yet, it is passed on, from parents to children."

Low Carb Dieter Birthdays - diving for meat from the pinata.

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

"We're coming up with new ways of monitoring health every week..."

"Here, I've developed a pedometer that keeps track of how many people walk all over you."

'That's way too irregular. I recommend regular exercise.'

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

'No peeking!!' - Learn to Run Classes.

"I tried change, it didn't work."

"The long and the short of it, doctor, is that I'm ready to change from a soccer mom to a Nascar dad."

Hazard of texting