Lifestyle Guru T-Shirts

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'It says, 'Take on step at a time.' Wait a second, that can't be right.'

'Cut back on the women and song. You can still have the wine though.'

Life In The fast Lane: '24 hours without food is a long, long time...'

"Obesity is neither contagious or genetic, and yet, it is passed on, from parents to children."

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

"My fitness goal is to be able to shop till I don't drop!"

'Do you realise how many years I've had to work to develop this lifestyle? And now you're telling me to change it!'

'You could use some of this too!' (Woman to overweight cat.)

"Your results show you have the body of a young man, unfortunately it's an very obese young man with chronic health problems."

STRIP Hambone: computer running a diet programme

"Our state made the list of the highest obesity rates. Maybe we should move."

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"Yes, doctor. I realise I'm in great shape for a fifty year old. The problem is I'm only thirty two."

"Stress is killing you—you need an easier job, a smaller house, and a different family."

Doctor's advice.

'12 varieties of pizza does NOT constitute a 'varied diet'.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'I can't guarantee that giving up smiling, drinking and sex will make you live longer, but it will certainly SEEM much longer. . .'

'That's way too irregular. I recommend regular exercise.'

Bone vivant

Perfection

Who Asked You?

Self help acupuncture

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

The adoration of the gels.

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

Handbag store - "Perfect."

But is it organic?

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

Dragon Hair-dryer.