Lifestyle Reinventor T-Shirts

'I'm retired and decided to have a fresh start.'

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

But is it organic?

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

"Like my new haircut?"

'She dressed herself this morning.'

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

Perfection

"If he didn't live each day like it was his last, he would have lived another 40 years."

FREE-RANGE CIRCUIT TRAINING

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

"I'm putting myself through med school by waiting tables. I'll be back shortly to take your blood pressure."

"You won’t need refills."

'He doesn't seem to like my haircut.'

"Anyone who laughs at my new haircut will be subjected to immediate termination."

GPs to be encouraged to offer advice on 'lifestyle' issues

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

"It's expensive because it connects to the internet."

Odd Spas

"It's called a treadmill workstation, not a stationary rat race."

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

'Cut back on the women and song. You can still have the wine though.'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'Welcome home, dear. While you were away I redecorated...'

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

"Your results show you have the body of a young man, unfortunately it's an very obese young man with chronic health problems."

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'