Homebound Fashion Innovator T-Shirts

Heloise's Helpful Hints for Homebound

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

'She dressed herself this morning.'

"Like my new haircut?"

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

"Nice. Got this in camo?"

"Anyone who laughs at my new haircut will be subjected to immediate termination."

Caveman applying wallpaper cave paintings

"It's expensive because it connects to the internet."

'He doesn't seem to like my haircut.'

'Welcome home, dear. While you were away I redecorated...'

'I ran into a whittler.'

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

"Would you believe I can still fit into my tux after eighteen years?"

"If you don't want the light to keep shining in your eyes, stop asking me how much longer I'm going to read."

Self Serve Road Repair.

"That one is non-wash. Also no ironing is required."

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

'...and all of our power suits come with a complimentary surge protector.'

Mutant Mootunes - Pete Poodle Pants

"With all this wearable tech, I wish they'd come up with a smart belt."

"I don't really have the skirt for this blouse."

Gals! Are you entering you 'goddess' years?

A man on a desert island fashions a bikini for himself.

'I think of it as mending pants, not splicing jeans.'

Scientist using his microscope to thread a needle to repair his torn shirt.

I've found the designer gene.

"After the kids moved out I had the house redesigned to reflect the real me."

"Of course I'm young at heart...I had one of my wrinkles pierced, didn't I?"