Homebound Fashion Innovator Pillows

Heloise's Helpful Hints for Homebound

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"Like my new haircut?"

'She dressed herself this morning.'

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

'He doesn't seem to like my haircut.'

"Nice. Got this in camo?"

"It's expensive because it connects to the internet."

"Anyone who laughs at my new haircut will be subjected to immediate termination."

Caveman applying wallpaper cave paintings

'Not only did I fix the leak, but when you run the hot water it plays 'Harlem Nocturne'.'

'Welcome home, dear. While you were away I redecorated...'

'I ran into a whittler.'

"Would you believe I can still fit into my tux after eighteen years?"

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

"If you don't want the light to keep shining in your eyes, stop asking me how much longer I'm going to read."

Self Serve Road Repair.

Mutant Mootunes - Pete Poodle Pants

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

"With all this wearable tech, I wish they'd come up with a smart belt."

"That one is non-wash. Also no ironing is required."

'...and all of our power suits come with a complimentary surge protector.'

His mane bun is just so wrong.

"I don't really have the skirt for this blouse."

Gals! Are you entering you 'goddess' years?

A man on a desert island fashions a bikini for himself.

The iSaw.

'I think of it as mending pants, not splicing jeans.'

"Of course I'm young at heart...I had one of my wrinkles pierced, didn't I?"

Having shrewdly grabbed a window fan to bulk up his shirt, Winston hoped his buff look would land him a date.

I've found the designer gene.

"After the kids moved out I had the house redesigned to reflect the real me."