Homeschool Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"I don't think we can approve you for homeschooling your child based on the fact that you signed your application with an 'X'."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

Li'l Bill meets destiny.

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"Hi, Mom - We learned in school today that ethics and morality are stupid and old-fashioned."

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

'The dog won't eat my homework.'

'How do you like that? We just get through the alphabet and she starts hauling in the heavy artillery!'

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

"I'm subcontracting math, spelling and geography to my smart phone."

'What are you in for?'

"I turned five. That's why I'm here. What are you in for?"

"Exactly how long were you home schooled?"

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

"I've got the ninth grade chemistry class this term."

'Virgil is on the gymnastics team.'

'I was a substitute teacher. Former students still approach me to thank me for everything I let them get away with.'

"If it really is a smartphone, why are my grades still lousy?"

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

"You were sent to the principal again for horsing around? That's so unfair!"

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'