Homeownership Milestone Gifts

Just Paid Off Our Mortgage

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

Tool Box

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

Jack and Ina build their dream house.

Yard Sale

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

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George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Harry won't even build me a new kitchen.'

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

"The pH level seems a little off."

"At last we own our own apartment. I feel like a king."

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

'The bad news is the Big Bad Wolf is coming. The good news is I've got some great rates on Homeowner's Insurance!'

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

'It says, please disregard this reminder if your payment has already been sent.'

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

How's this mulch for improving my soil? Not good. It's full of toxic wood chips. They poison the dirt and don't decompose. Just what I need. Subprime loam.

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

'We're starting to build our own house. How much is this two by four?'

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."

Stan believes in calling a spade a spade.