Proud Homeowner Gifts

"My first Social Security check."

"At last we own our own apartment. I feel like a king."

'George can't resist showing guests the new extension.'

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Cry babies.

Impressing dad.

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

Children's artwork exhibition.

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

"Drunk, yet orderly"

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'She posted her first blog today.'

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

"Careful. That house has a taser."

'Is THIS the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"Vanessa has done a not bad de Kooning."

"We're so proud. Only 5 months old and already knows how to scroll and swipe."

'Dear, Junior ate his first house today!'

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

'It is a big day! Ten years ago, yout dad joined the union!'

This is Twig's scene. Get ready! That's her! Where? There! Too late. Nice shot of Jessie Caldwell. Wasn't she fabulous.

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

"We're going to the park to size up the competition."

'Every child is an artist but it appears your Candice is a plumber.'

"Little Lucas doesn't go anywhere without his weighted blanket."