Happy Homeowners Gifts

"He's taking a phased retirement. Now he just huffs."

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

A DIY disaster.

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

"Careful. That house has a taser."

Jack and Ina build their dream house.

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

Beginning Yarder.

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

"What should I wear to the living room today?"

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

"At last we own our own apartment. I feel like a king."

"Installed it himself ??" saved $50."

"Can't we just get some load-bearing wallpaper?"

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

'Anything good on the telly tonight? Yes dear the vase!'

Baby it's cold outside.

"When you get a minute, I have some kitchen shelves you can put up."

Drought's Over

'We're starting to build our own house. How much is this two by four?'

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

Human males marking territory.

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

'Alright Harold... now stop feigning death and go mow the loan!'

'I know it's hard to believe, but before this, I'd never built a thing!'