Happy Homeowners Pillows

"He's taking a phased retirement. Now he just huffs."

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

A DIY disaster.

"Careful. That house has a taser."

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

Jack and Ina build their dream house.

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

Beginning Yarder.

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

"What should I wear to the living room today?"

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

"At last we own our own apartment. I feel like a king."

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

"Installed it himself ??" saved $50."

"Can't we just get some load-bearing wallpaper?"

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

'Anything good on the telly tonight? Yes dear the vase!'

Drought's Over

Baby it's cold outside.

"When you get a minute, I have some kitchen shelves you can put up."

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

Human males marking territory.

'We're starting to build our own house. How much is this two by four?'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

'Alright Harold... now stop feigning death and go mow the loan!'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

'I know it's hard to believe, but before this, I'd never built a thing!'