Homeowners Associations Gifts

"The Cell Block Association is probably going to make you take it down."

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

The native sweet bay species will make a beautiful grove. They'll give you pleasure and increase your house value! Tree's tree nursery. Hmm

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

'You had to put a skylight in didn't you?'

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'For Sale by Neighbor'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

"I aways thought it would be stylish to live in a house with high ceilings."

"The pH level seems a little off."

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

'The bad news is the Big Bad Wolf is coming. The good news is I've got some great rates on Homeowner's Insurance!'

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

'How much did you say we'd be saving by buying a wood-burning stove?'

'It says, please disregard this reminder if your payment has already been sent.'

Stan believes in calling a spade a spade.

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

How's this mulch for improving my soil? Not good. It's full of toxic wood chips. They poison the dirt and don't decompose. Just what I need. Subprime loam.

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."

"Whatever you do, keep up with your mortgage payments."

'Polly doesn't want a cracker, Polly wants a condo in Florida.'

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'Will this be a simple equity loan, or are you refinancing your whole marriage?'

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

"I wish I had known you have arachnophobia before I paid."

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"