Homemade Gift Appreciator Pillows

'I take back everything I said about this sweater you knitted for me.'

Rent a Room With Hot Water

-"What has this got to do with communication?" -"It's my invention...the hand smiley."

"Start with a Spanish doubloon. Those are always good."

'If you ask me, toys are getting far too realistic!'

"Tell your assistant it's perfect."

At home with the leeches: 'No, you can't have a Quorn tartlet - just drink your blood and be quiet!'

Ikea for Hippies

"Gladys, look! My kids made me a card for Mother's Day!"

Poorly planned Chanukah crafts

Viking with bike handlebars on helmet.

'I wrapped it myself !'

'Look what my son gave me!'

In the end, Pluto turned out to be a much smaller planet than originally thought.

I suppose this probably counts as an adverse event.

"This is not what I meant when I said you should try to live in the present."

"I sense a change in the weather! So I bought you this..."

'Free! Bonus! X-Ray Glasses!'

"...so you then developed an addiction to buying toilet rolls. Wasn't that rather expensive?"

'Fantastic bottle bag, Chuck! - and, oh, yeah, thanks for the bottle of whatever wine that is.'

"One large with cheese, pepperoni and grass clippings."

"I'm the spirit of Christmas Present."

"Betty, I'm dying to see what you've knitted me for my birthday."

"An old man uses a stick grabber to pick up a cigarette."

Spring Rituals

'The last thing I knew he was on a plane to an obedience school in Omaha!'

Man says: 'It's got quite a nose ... I'm getting notes of nutmeg, a whiff of autumn harvest and rain-sodden undergrowth, and with a tart, elderberry finish. Not bad for a urine sample, eh Doc?'

"I have heated your beer in the microwave because you told me you like hot drinks!"

"It's alright,lady-cleaning 'em yesterday qualifies you for a freebie today!"

Gift Ideas #13

"It's these new glasses dear! I thought it was you!"

'You'll find this ideal for brushing the dust off that set of encyclopaedias I sold you last week.'

'The Dockland Spirits came with the Jacuzzi.'

Teacher's Day Gifts in Cuba

'A contribution to me in a friend's name would make a very nice Christmas gift, pal.'