Homemade Gift Appreciator Pillows

'I take back everything I said about this sweater you knitted for me.'

Rent a Room With Hot Water

-"What has this got to do with communication?" -"It's my invention...the hand smiley."

"Start with a Spanish doubloon. Those are always good."

'If you ask me, toys are getting far too realistic!'

"Tell your assistant it's perfect."

At home with the leeches: 'No, you can't have a Quorn tartlet - just drink your blood and be quiet!'

"Gladys, look! My kids made me a card for Mother's Day!"

Ikea for Hippies

Viking with bike handlebars on helmet.

Poorly planned Chanukah crafts

'I wrapped it myself !'

'Look what my son gave me!'

In the end, Pluto turned out to be a much smaller planet than originally thought.

I suppose this probably counts as an adverse event.

'Free! Bonus! X-Ray Glasses!'

"...so you then developed an addiction to buying toilet rolls. Wasn't that rather expensive?"

"One large with cheese, pepperoni and grass clippings."

"I sense a change in the weather! So I bought you this..."

'Fantastic bottle bag, Chuck! - and, oh, yeah, thanks for the bottle of whatever wine that is.'

'The last thing I knew he was on a plane to an obedience school in Omaha!'

"Betty, I'm dying to see what you've knitted me for my birthday."

Spring Rituals

"I'm the spirit of Christmas Present."

"An old man uses a stick grabber to pick up a cigarette."

Man says: 'It's got quite a nose ... I'm getting notes of nutmeg, a whiff of autumn harvest and rain-sodden undergrowth, and with a tart, elderberry finish. Not bad for a urine sample, eh Doc?'

"It's alright,lady-cleaning 'em yesterday qualifies you for a freebie today!"

"It's these new glasses dear! I thought it was you!"

"I have heated your beer in the microwave because you told me you like hot drinks!"

Gift Ideas #13

'You'll find this ideal for brushing the dust off that set of encyclopaedias I sold you last week.'

Teacher's Day Gifts in Cuba

'A contribution to me in a friend's name would make a very nice Christmas gift, pal.'

'The Dockland Spirits came with the Jacuzzi.'

You mean manna is a freebie?