Homefront Conqueror T-Shirts

'Mum said you were the first man she ever trained, Dad.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

"Give him time, - if anyone can break that swing set, it's O'l Tex."

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

Second lifeReal life.

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

"Our Rupert has swopped his gaming console for bagpipes...it gets us out of the house more often."

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

There! I've made my year's supply of zucchini bread! That's kind of a lot. How can you store them all? It's no problem. I just throw out last year's supply.

"When the slowest car in the fast lane don't go any slower than the fastest car in the slow lane."

Woman forcing family to hike through hills.

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

Planting a Flag on the Summit

Well, what did you expect on the mother ship?

'Hand over the last one now kid or you're getting my fist for Christmas!'

'That last hill was a bit steep!'

"The 'Queer Eye' people came by - but they fled."

"The night raid on the kitchen bench was a disaster sir! The owner woke up, came downstairs for a glass of water and attacked us!"

"You know, statistically speaking, at least one of these gingerbread men is gay."

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

"I can't get the price sticker off this non stick pan, you sold me!"

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

A day in the life of a dish sink

Thanksgiving: The holiday where aluminum foil is king!

A Learning Curve.

The Colonel at home.

Tsunami in the cooking pot.

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

'It was the last straw when she threw her lumpy gravy over me!'

Are they dangerous? Only if I shut off the tv.

"Where's a fairy godmother when you need one?"

"I'm making Thanksgiving dinner this year. Do you have Turkey Helper?"