Homefront Conqueror Gifts

'Mum said you were the first man she ever trained, Dad.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

"Give him time, - if anyone can break that swing set, it's O'l Tex."

"Our Rupert has swopped his gaming console for bagpipes...it gets us out of the house more often."

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

Second lifeReal life.

"When the slowest car in the fast lane don't go any slower than the fastest car in the slow lane."

Woman forcing family to hike through hills.

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

Planting a Flag on the Summit

'That last hill was a bit steep!'

"The 'Queer Eye' people came by - but they fled."

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

"The night raid on the kitchen bench was a disaster sir! The owner woke up, came downstairs for a glass of water and attacked us!"

"You know, statistically speaking, at least one of these gingerbread men is gay."

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

"I can't get the price sticker off this non stick pan, you sold me!"

A day in the life of a dish sink

A Learning Curve.

Thanksgiving: The holiday where aluminum foil is king!

The Colonel at home.

'It was the last straw when she threw her lumpy gravy over me!'

Tsunami in the cooking pot.

'I don't want to talk about it.'

Are they dangerous? Only if I shut off the tv.

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

"I'm making Thanksgiving dinner this year. Do you have Turkey Helper?"

"Where's a fairy godmother when you need one?"