Home Sweet Home Satirist Gifts

"It surprised me too - I was told it hung over the Greenbelt."

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

'Harold, I told you to take out the trash!'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"It's like a tiny house, but bigger."

Suburban street.

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

'I thought you said, 'What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom'!'

'Looks like you're underwater on your mortgage.'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

"I'm sorry, dear, but you know how I feel about intra-marital sex."

'Just so you know, leaning on a rake and looking at the sky is not 'yard work', and thus may not be entered into your 'I do so help around the house' defense.'

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

Autumn Leaves

Wife is reading a book intitled 'Meals in 5 minutes', husband is reading a book about 'Divorce in 5 days'.

'The Pentagon has ruled, Sargeant, since the barracks is your home,you can keep a dog, or a cat, but not both.'

"By offering your home as security, you are giving the lender a legal claim to your property."

'There was a lot of excitement at school today — the Student Council voted itself a pay raise.'

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

'A rodent Jelly Cake! Thanks Mum and Dad!'

'I'm putting my husband's card in the bag too... he's a Dentist.'

"It's true that the basement's flooded, but it's stocked."

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'

'Well, that's just great...zombies! There goes the neighbourhood!'

'And me fresh out of xanax.'

'I'm glad your mother stayed with us last week, it gave me a great idea for a horror story.'

"All I said was, 'I'll take out the garbage when I'm ready'."

(Used to be) END.

Risks for the heart patient Unloading the Dishwasher "Sorry? No can do." Answering the Land Line R-R-RING! R-R-R-RING! N-nope R-R-RING!!! Doing Taxes "Doc said I should take it easy." Any Car-Related Errand "The old ticker."