Home Sweet Home Satirist Gifts

"It surprised me too - I was told it hung over the Greenbelt."

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

'Harold, I told you to take out the trash!'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'I thought you said, 'What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom'!'

'You've had a bad day? Try being stuck in this house!'

Suburban street.

"It's like a tiny house, but bigger."

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

'Looks like you're underwater on your mortgage.'

'Just so you know, leaning on a rake and looking at the sky is not 'yard work', and thus may not be entered into your 'I do so help around the house' defense.'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

"I'm sorry, dear, but you know how I feel about intra-marital sex."

Autumn Leaves

Wife is reading a book intitled 'Meals in 5 minutes', husband is reading a book about 'Divorce in 5 days'.

"Should I wait till the tail stops wagging before I stick it with my fork?"

"By offering your home as security, you are giving the lender a legal claim to your property."

'The Pentagon has ruled, Sargeant, since the barracks is your home,you can keep a dog, or a cat, but not both.'

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

'There was a lot of excitement at school today — the Student Council voted itself a pay raise.'

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

'I'm putting my husband's card in the bag too... he's a Dentist.'

'A rodent Jelly Cake! Thanks Mum and Dad!'

"Welcome to your new home, Dad."

"It's true that the basement's flooded, but it's stocked."

'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'

'Well, that's just great...zombies! There goes the neighbourhood!'

'I'm glad your mother stayed with us last week, it gave me a great idea for a horror story.'

It seems so big now that the kids are gone.

'And me fresh out of xanax.'

"All I said was, 'I'll take out the garbage when I'm ready'."

Single Mansions