Stay-at-home Satirist Gifts

Fighting coronavirus

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Sock Puppet in Literature

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

German School

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

The Quack Quack Diaries: The George Broderick Diaries

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"What are you doing?"

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

Dolestart - A New Initiative

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

The Evolution Of Man