Home Seller's Dreamer T-Shirts

'We'll put it on as 'charmingly proportioned'.'

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

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'We're quite confident this lull won't last long.'

"Today on Escape to the Country Emily & Oliver are looking for that special little property in the Cotswolds. So what exactly's going to tick all their boxes?"

"I aways thought it would be stylish to live in a house with high ceilings."

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

'Do you have anything right on the beach, but not so near the water?'

'Now that you have a job, Tom, Dad and I are turning your room into a condo!'

Turtle Home

Implausible Retirement Housing Options

The Rudges' peaceful home

'Bless. Wayne's made his first affordable home sand estate.'

"Occupant, apartment 5C: Congratulations—you may already have won the all-electric Colonial split-level house of your dreams...."

"Admittedly, it is a bit of a 'fixer upper'."

"Your dream of a house with a white picket fence is still feasible, at least for the picket fence."

"Want to put the house on the market so we clean it?"

'Oh, it's perfect, George! And it has termites, too!'

TRUMP

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

Burying cash. 'You misunderstand when I said put your money in land.'

'He's building a yacht in his basement.'

'Er, and should you ever need primal scream therapy, this house has a treatment centre conveniently next door.'

The housing market begins to deflate.

"Five more minutes, I was dreaming our apartment was rent-controlled."

'Want a new house? Time to start groveling again.'

Man in house with no roof on phone to estate agent: "Look, this house is unfinished. Please stop saying, 'It gets a lot of light'."

Your dream home

'That's the sort of home I've always wanted.'

"It's a bit of a 'fixer upper'. You just have to chop down the forest, obtain planning permission, and build the house."

"I don't get it. How come it's so cheap?"

'For sale'

"You want a cheap house in a nice neighborhood? -- Okay, why are you here really?"