Housing Dreamer T-Shirts

'Four bedrooms, parking and a decent garden near to your social work office in Kensington for less than £250,000...I'll just bring up a selection for you to choose from...'

'We're looking to borrow a deposit, a month's rent, and a month's rent in advance.'

"Another self-build. . ."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'We'll take it!'

'We're quite confident this lull won't last long.'

"Today on Escape to the Country Emily & Oliver are looking for that special little property in the Cotswolds. So what exactly's going to tick all their boxes?"

"I aways thought it would be stylish to live in a house with high ceilings."

'... And that's where I'm seeking planning permission to build a secret uranium enrichment plant...'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

'Do you have anything right on the beach, but not so near the water?'

Turtle Home

Implausible Retirement Housing Options

'Now that you have a job, Tom, Dad and I are turning your room into a condo!'

"Occupant, apartment 5C: Congratulations—you may already have won the all-electric Colonial split-level house of your dreams...."

"Admittedly, it is a bit of a 'fixer upper'."

'Bless. Wayne's made his first affordable home sand estate.'

"Your dream of a house with a white picket fence is still feasible, at least for the picket fence."

"They're willing to throw in their kidneys."

"Want to put the house on the market so we clean it?"

Urban Compost Heap.

'I'm sorry, but without a significant deposit, we can't give you a mortgage.'

'Oh, it's perfect, George! And it has termites, too!'

"It's got a great view!"

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

TRUMP

'He's building a yacht in his basement.'

"Try not to see them as a ridiculously expensive pile of bricks but rather as a value for money self build opportunity!"

'Oh, look, honey - the master closet has a walk-in bedroom!'

The housing market begins to deflate.

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

"Five more minutes, I was dreaming our apartment was rent-controlled."