Home Safety Schemer T-Shirts

'I want it to look like an accident.'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

'New normal' family life

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

Beware of the dog.

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

'I told you he was smart. He turned a potential hazard into a plaything.'

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."

"Which area of the house is the most dangerous? A. Your wet bathroom, B. Your dirty kitchen, or C. Your cluttered garage?"

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

'Is your house baby-proofed?'

"Did we turn off the stove?"

"First, locate the pin on your extinguisher..."

'It doesn't get nearly enough sun here, but it sure keeps the kids from sliding down the bannister.'

"We have so many security cameras, the doormat says 'Say cheese' instead of welcome."

"I think you should turn the water temperature down a bit. The water melted through the tub and then through the floor."

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'