Home Fix Humor Gifts

'I've checked the commandments, one is missing.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

"I think I've fixed the intercom. Just remember to speak into the ceiling fan when the doorbell rings."

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'No it's still not fixed'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

How to Build a Bungalow

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

Wallpapering 4

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

We're with the gutter cleaning service ….

Oh, yeah, we love having a walk-out basement.

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

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'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

'Have a nice day, dear. . . no need to get up and make coffee.'

"So I said 'Would it kill you to do a little yardwork?'"

'That must be the termite inspector.'

"Maybe Dracula wasn't the best one to try this new detergent."

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

Ice Fishing

'I forgot to close the door?...Seriously? Who puts a door on a hole?'

'And this is the walk-in laundry chute.'

Other uses for boa constrictors: weather strip boa.

You can't beat a nice bit of skirting!

Tools for fools; A panel saw made of sponge rubber.

'The developers of this flu vaccine can't explain it, but its only side effect is that it may cause your HVAC system to go hay wire for a bit.'

Penguin emerges from freezer. Man says: 'This freezer needs defrosting.'