Home Enthusiast Pillows

'Where are the oak beams you mentioned?'

'Gentlemen, please!! That was just our first offer!!'

"We thought it would be nice to invite the subcontractors to the housewarming."

'This is a good investment: Three million years old, and still in perfect condition!'

"It's a starter home..."

'Okay. But apart from the low ceilings, what did you think of the house?'

Homeowners.

"It appears your a victim of gazumping."

'It's a prize for being first to go home.'

Starter Home

'Central air, ceramic tile, security system. OK, let's move on to the kitchen.'

'And next we have a classic cape cod...'

Estate Agent - This house that's 'just what we are looking for' is ours

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

"We should just buy the color our white towels always end up being."

"And of course, here we have the master fireplace."

Muscular house with a sold sign running over track with years written on it

"I didn't spark joy."

Coming Home

A man rushes towards photos of his family

"Ironically, this is the living room."

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

A DIY disaster.

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

Your Home Remodel Team

"Hedge-fund managers have to have something over their sofas, too."

“I’m stayin’ home — I want the world to know — I pro-bab-ly won’t go!”