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Interior decorating for prison.

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"I didn't spark joy."

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

"You're welcome."

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

Cat statues on entrance gate

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

'You do realise that's pot pourii?'

"Except for that wall socket, the whole damn thing is a trompe-l'oeil."

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

Posh Easter Egg

“I’m stayin’ home — I want the world to know — I pro-bab-ly won’t go!”

"Hedge-fund managers have to have something over their sofas, too."

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

'Magnolia, Michaelangelo, the ceiling was meant to be magnolia!'

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"

King Madras

"Dave, we need to talk about office props and work productivity."

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

Pea green

Estate Agent - This house that's 'just what we are looking for' is ours