Home Cooking Renegade Gifts

"If it says to add water, and I'm the one who adds it, I'm cooking."

LAY ZEE FUK

'I guess every team needs a creative renegade.'

Glue gun? Glitter? Dang it, I grabbed my crafting belt again.

"OK, ready to go again?"

The dumpster code - find something, leave something.

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

A holiday at home

'I'm thankful you didn't make turnips.'

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

'I don't care if they are cheaper...we're not using them!'

Paint/Paint Remover, Glue/Glue Remover...

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

Ready for a run!

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

"Give him his food."

"I'll never understand wallpaper."

'The recipe said to simmer uncovered!'

Organized chaos.

"I can't have anything that's a food."

"Now, what? I'm wearing a hair net."

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'Have you been using that Hairy Bikers cookbook again'

'The carpet's too thick so I cut a bit off the door.'

'We could either give you a $50,000 home improvement loan, or $2,000 to just blow your house up.'

'Did you follow a recipe book for this dish?'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. VI

How did people work before computers? They grew food, made clothing and built stuff. Now all that is done outside the country. Not true. What about

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

"There's no way God ever intended man to shove a pillow into a pillowcase!"

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

Problem solving centre.

DIY store.

'I know I promised to love, honour and cherish you but I don't remember saying I'd cook for you.'