Home Cooking Renegade Pillows

"If it says to add water, and I'm the one who adds it, I'm cooking."

LAY ZEE FUK

'I guess every team needs a creative renegade.'

The dumpster code - find something, leave something.

A holiday at home

'I'm thankful you didn't make turnips.'

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

'I don't care if they are cheaper...we're not using them!'

Paint/Paint Remover, Glue/Glue Remover...

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

"Give him his food."

Ready for a run!

"I'll never understand wallpaper."

Organized chaos.

"I can't have anything that's a food."

"Now, what? I'm wearing a hair net."

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'The carpet's too thick so I cut a bit off the door.'

'We could either give you a $50,000 home improvement loan, or $2,000 to just blow your house up.'

'Did you follow a recipe book for this dish?'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. VI

"There's no way God ever intended man to shove a pillow into a pillowcase!"

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

Problem solving centre.

DIY store.

'I know I promised to love, honour and cherish you but I don't remember saying I'd cook for you.'

'Just use some extra strength spackle.'