Home Chore Humorist Gifts

'Can't you escape or something - The grass needs cutting?'

Dryer Sheets: Lemon (scented).

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

'She'll never look for me here.'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

Yard Sale

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"There goes our early night."

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!

'I really hate cleaning this thing.'

"Just the slippers is fine!"

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"You're back. Hold on … just give me a minute."

"5...4...3...2..."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

"This lockdown is GREAT! - We can spend all day on our computers, eating takeaway junk food and watching crap TV while gambling on our iphones!"

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

"That's it sorted then - this year we'll spend a fortnight in the spare bedroom."

"Jim was a model Dad".

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"10,000 steps...just answering doorbells."