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"Sorry I'm late. Traffic was awful this morning."

'You must excuse us. Things are a bit upside-down at the moment.'

Man attempting to paint a room by exploding paint onto the walls - "Could I see your qualifications again Mr Baker."

Home Alone.

"Don't you think we'll be memorable parents?"

"I'm running a loose ship."

'I love what you haven't done with this place.'

"Not cool washing sheep in the dishwasher people!"

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"I need to know who started it."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

Man's cooking explodes.

Ten out of ten for effort...

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Anti-inflammation recipes

"The 'Queer Eye' people came by - but they fled."

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

Disaster in the kitchen.

'Oh, yes. We often have people around when my Wife cooks... Usually, the fire brigade.'

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'How many kids do you actually have?'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'Continue gently simmering for ten minutes...'

"That is why you don't put 'instant rice' in a slow cooker."

Chef looking up confused, Waiter behind him with pancake on his head.

"Glad you have time for lunch today, honey."

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

"It's perfectly all right. I used to do the same sort of thing when I was a little boy."

Working from home.

'Found her. Keeping her.'

"It's all right dear, it only seems what it is."