Holy Day Humorist Gifts

Confessional Options

"We only got six days of funding."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

Claus 2.0

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

Night of the Latkes

High security Santa's grotto

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

That one has all the batteries!

"Ninja bread men"

Hiding the electronics.

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

Night-time halo

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

"Surgery up here is free!"

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

'It's not for myself, you understand."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"All we have left is standing room only."

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'