Hollywood Hopefuls Gifts

Russell Crowe

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

'They all want to play the star.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

"And the award for the best use of AI in a movie goes to..."

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

Busking, "Stop worrying your father for money."

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

Hollywood or bust!

Welcome to Hollywood

"Have a career, and then if you want to try acting, you'll have my blessing."

So close... Yet so far.

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

"Hear me out. Batman - again."

Live the Dream!

John Woodvine

"When I grow up, I want to be a Presidential impersonator on 'Saturday Night Live.'"

"I'm sorry. We don't want a ring-tailed lemur. We want a ring-tailed-lemur type."

A panhandler with a sign that reads "I'll never work in this town again!".

"That's enough therapy. From here on out, I think I could do a hell of a lot more for both of us as your agent."

"Well, Clive, what I REALLY want to do it wait on tables."

"Sure, if this was New York, I'd be your editor and you'd be the author - but this is L.A., so I'm your agent and you're the whatever."

I'm only a part-time waiter, I'm really an actor.