Holier-than-thou Satirist Pillows

'Go ahead and get a lawyer, but where do you think you'll find one around here?'

They're Not Just That Into It

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Sock Puppet in Literature

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

German School

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

The Ten Really Cool Facts

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"What are you doing?"