Holier-than-thou Humorist Pillows

"Bless me father for I have allegedly sinned."

"You're going to hate yourself."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"The Eggsorcist"

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

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"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

Champagne at the hunt

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

Brad Pitt.

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

Gangsta wrap.

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

Come back in, no one will laugh at you.

Hipster Police Department

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

'How much are your upside-down cakes? 99p.'

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."