Holiday Shrinker Pillows

"At this time of the summer, I hate time."

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"You have issues? Be more specific, what issues?"

Hold those deer to you near to you this Christmas.

"Pepperoni pizza is my favorite! Ah, Billy, you little suck up!"

'Oh yeah? Well, to hell with tradition. We're building a snow woman!'

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

Shrink

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

No Miss, I wasn't day dreaming. I was planning my summer vacation!

Seasonal shopping.

Psychological Warfare Target Practice

"Find out who's on vacation and then add this stuff to the workload on his desk."

'Wear them on thanksgiving instead.'

Christmas Group Therapy.

"...Won't be a minute darling, I'm just downloading Christmas."

Working From Home/Working From Home But It's the Holidays

"My super powers are listening and downsizing my life."

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'

"It's safe to open the door. They're singing Christmas-carol parodies."

"OK, let's talk about your narcissistic tendencies."

'Christmas TV is repeating on me.'

'And in the red corner, still carrying a little Christmas weight...'

Twas the night before Christmas and there won't be flight. Santa can't make his rounds, at least not by tonight. But Santa still smiled, it's not a time to be sad, because the best gift of all is one we already had...

'Everyone thinks I'm boring.'

Christmas Present List

Please form a queue.

On the twelth day of Christmas...

'I'm sensing a lot of road rage.'

"In this district constable, you can't be too careful!"

"It's extra for the stand."