Holiday Dieter Pillows

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"Pepperoni pizza is my favorite! Ah, Billy, you little suck up!"

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

They discover fire and we spend all day cooking!

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

Bowl Games.

"Too much salt?! Hey, I put a lot of sweat and tears into making that Christmas Pudding!"

Blowing out the Christmas Pudding.

Meat Poultry Fish. Genetically Modified Christmas Turkeys. Order Now. They inserted kangaroo DNA to make a product for stuffing, and octopus DNA so everybody gets a drumstick!

What will I do with it? It will never fit in the microwave.

Monday. Grab what you can for dinner. I'm shopping for Thanksgiving! Tuesday. I didn't pack your lunches. I'm fixing cranberry relish. Wednesday. Shoo! I'm making the pies! I know how the pilgrims felt. I'm starving!

Huge Christmas Pudding

Kringle: The Decca Years

I love Sprouts

'I vote we throw caution to the wind.'

"Seriously? You went on a diet before Christmas?"

Holidays are Here, Think!

Too full after after Christmas dinner!

'I'll celebrate Christmas in a supermarket and you?'

"I don't want to bust your diet so we're having turkey franks and pumpkin yogurt."

"Wow, another turkey sandwich?"

Thoughtful kiddies' midnight snacks overtax my bulging slacks … The load I haul back to my shack is bigger than the one I packed.

Sanitizer

"Does anyone have a little corner left for a mince pie?"

"When you thank god for this meal, put in a good word for your mother too."

'Great, more trans-fats and cholesterol!'

The lifecycle of thanksgiving leftovers

Scot with a turkey at Christmas.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready for lunch?"

'Whoever's guess is closest to the time when the last needle falls off the tree wins the hundred-dollar pool!'

How to have the perfect Holiday Turkey!

"At this time of the summer, I hate time."