Holiday Shrinker Mugs

"At this time of the summer, I hate time."

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"You have issues? Be more specific, what issues?"

Your energy bill is enclosed. You might want to sit down.

Hold those deer to you near to you this Christmas.

"Pepperoni pizza is my favorite! Ah, Billy, you little suck up!"

'Oh yeah? Well, to hell with tradition. We're building a snow woman!'

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

Shrink

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

No Miss, I wasn't day dreaming. I was planning my summer vacation!

Seasonal shopping.

"Find out who's on vacation and then add this stuff to the workload on his desk."

Psychological Warfare Target Practice

'Wear them on thanksgiving instead.'

Christmas Group Therapy.

"...Won't be a minute darling, I'm just downloading Christmas."

"My super powers are listening and downsizing my life."

Thoughtful kiddies' midnight snacks overtax my bulging slacks … The load I haul back to my shack is bigger than the one I packed.

Working From Home/Working From Home But It's the Holidays

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'

"It's safe to open the door. They're singing Christmas-carol parodies."

"OK, let's talk about your narcissistic tendencies."

I gain weight every fall and then lose it in the spring. I have a seasonally adjusted figure.

'Christmas TV is repeating on me.'

'And in the red corner, still carrying a little Christmas weight...'

Twas the night before Christmas and there won't be flight. Santa can't make his rounds, at least not by tonight. But Santa still smiled, it's not a time to be sad, because the best gift of all is one we already had...

'Everyone thinks I'm boring.'

"I forgot to ask you - what's your sign?"

Please form a queue.

Christmas Present List

On the twelth day of Christmas...

'I'm sensing a lot of road rage.'