Holiday Schemer Gifts

"Let's do a deal: we'll believe in you again, and you'll extend our parents credit card limit."

No Miss, I wasn't day dreaming. I was planning my summer vacation!

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

Airlines

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

Mr. Punch in Venice

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

Heading off with a packed bag

Italia tours

'Now there's a vet that needs a holiday,'

'After researching our dream vacation online with reviews, commentaries, we cams and pictures, we felt we'd been there and didn't need the trip!'

Taking Cupid on a holiday.

"Well, I finally figured out why we were going to the vet so often for check ups! He finally plucked up the courage to ask her out!"

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

How to fight a vampire snowman

"I'll be there in three 'All Too Well's."

Excess Baggage: Sooner or later all those vacation bills come due.

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

Watchdog on Holiday

"I know it’s a challenge, but it needs your input!" "...Your breadth of knowledge of different interest groups, religions...cultures!" "Right, so the staff Christmas meal will be a traditional lacto-vegan one at a Thai restaurant sometime in March?" "Do you think the Pagans will be OK with that?"

Man on beach realizes laying down flattens his stomach

'No, no, no. You guys are way off! This isn't even the cat. You guys are on the dog.'

'We must have everything... this is all that's left!'