Holiday Peacekeeper Gifts

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."

Home Sweet Home

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

"I can't even remember what we were fighting about."

Dog ignores angry cat.

Human rights

"The session isn't quite going to plan."

The problem is, too many people aren't the least bit particular about their arrows.

"Perhaps we got off on the wrong paw."

"World War III? Hmm. O.K., but, remember, nobody gets hurt."

'There. See? Your buddy is OK. Now show us our guy before we make the swap.'

"Do you ever have days when you can't seem to rise above petty politics?"

'So we're agreed: we'll go to mediation.'

'How long have you been fighting?'

"This is our new head of conflict resolution."

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

Uncle Mort, you fought in Korea, right? You think that war will start up again? Not if I can help it. It was the morning of July 27, nineteen hundred and fifty-three. I was pinned down on Pork Chop Hill. My bazooka had run out of ammo. All I could find to load into it was a stuffed panda bear. I loaded it and fired that bear into the maw of the enemy. It struck one of them atop the noggin. Moments later, the armistice was signed. Every July 27th, I awaken at dawn and chuck that same panda at the

'Negotiating skills need fine tuning.'

A neutral observer.

"Negotiations are progressing. No one's made a gratuitous personal attack in 12 minutes."

Cat holds sign that says 'come over here', dog holds a sign that says 'how?'

"Your dad says he's sorry. . . he'll be late for Christmas. He got hung up at work, again."

'This makes things very messy. He's claiming he programmed the lunchroom toaster to do muffins.'

"I don’t see how confirming who I like best will help this situation."

Aleppo vs. Russia

The Arab Autumn

Warring parents

'A mediator hasn't worked, so I brought in everyone's moms.'

Restorative Justice Victim's Revenge.