Holiday Grinches Gifts

Ho, ho, hum.

"I'm sorry, but my costs were way out of control."

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

"I might just get a pie."

'Now will you pull over and ask for directions?'

..and with our new spirit website you can keep in touch with all your dead friends!

"I hate this time of year."

Magazines layout Christmas issues months in advance so a woe of cartoonists is struggling to draw Christmas gags in the July heat.

Holiday Gifts 2020

"The cookies are always stale."

North Pole.

'That's about as Christmasy as we can get it.'

"Just a heads-up, the Mushroom and Crab Risotto doesn't like its photo taken."

"That's what we look like naked??"

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

Of course, then there was Lester, the brown-nosed reindeer.

"Boy, I get booed everytime I perform here."

"I just keep getting this urge to say 'Bah Humbug'!"

"Leave room for sex."

"Ever notice how everyone's nice this time of year? Kids behave. Neighbors, friends, relatives - even workers at the office - smile more. The mailman has a friendly wave, folks seem to go out of their way to be nice..."

Noel Fever

About Santa 2017.

"Merry Christmas. You Cheerful, Chirpring, Cheeping, Tweeting, Tw*ttering, Twittering Tw*t!"

"This artificial flavouring doesn't taste like artificial flavouring."

'The Christ Child'

"And you say you've been erect for over 4 hours?"

"The fact is Santa, if that's your real name. You were caught inside the house, with a sack full of valuables."

'Waiter? You're in my soup!'

'Moving Day' for Christmas Presents

'Honey... The old bag next door said I'm looking fat in white!'

'Guys! Check this out - Reindeer Chow in the satellite dish!'

"Filet Mignon, medium irradiated."

'Ms Phelps, can you help me? I seem to have misplaced my Christmas spirit.'

"My bouche was not amused."